What am I about?  Always a good question.  I like to think of myself as a Jack(ie) of all Trades.  I am a copy artist.  I can paint, draw, re-create, understand, learn, etc… just about anything I see, except people… Not a big fan of people in general (and not just with art) or sheet music.  That shit is confusing.  However, I am able to do whatever I set my mind on, because  Momma said, “if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself“, So I did.

I am a mother with an adult free spirited son (“The Boy“), a grandmother to a stubborn but ridiculously adorable little boy (“Monsker“), a mother-in-law to a crazy, artistic and eccentric young lady (“The Girl“), a daughter to the poster child for ADHD mother (“Mothra“), a granddaughter and caregiver to a feisty and continually unhappy judgmental crazy old raisin (“Craizin“), a sister to a sarcastic and witty older sister (“Thither“), an introverted genius younger brother (“The Alien“) and a full blown ginger younger half brother (“Brutha From Anotha Mutha“), who made me a half aunt as well!

I am an ex-wife (after 14 years) (“Box of Rocks“), an ex-girlfriend to a few not so great men (“The First“, “The Greek” and “DB/The Last“) and last but not least an ex-friend with benefits (“Two Pairs“).  And with all those “ex” titles, why won’t my ex’s ever leave me alone?  Even my first ex-boyfriend STILL tries after almost 30 years.  However, after having all those titles, I have to admit, I do enjoy being single for the moment.  After all those “life lessons” I learned, I think what I truly learned, is it to… save that for another day.  For a long time, I thought I was finally broken, but I did discover, I am only attracted lately to gay or married men.  So staying single it is!

I am a free-spirited borderline hippie (hate being dirty, patchouli and don’t like to share my toys, plus I love meat, it’s not murder, it’s delicious), with OCD, ADHD as well as a huge Control Freak.  I get Migraines, I’m usually sporting wild untamed big hair (and I realize it’s not the 80’s anymore but its usually NOT by choice), knocked knees, crooked teeth, high blood pressure and dry skin.   I keep telling Mothra, I am the Danny Devito character from Twins.  I got all the bad genetics from my parents, while my Thither and The Alien seemed to have missed some of those fun traits.  Now that I have it all typed out, now wonder I am an “ex” haha

I like things that are off-color, outside the box, raunchy, disgusting and different.  I don’t like to follow the herds over the cliff, I am usually the one going against traffic (sadly this is true, I like to turn the wrong way down one way streets).  If you say Jump, I will not ask how high or just do it.  I’m going to carefully assess the situation before I decide what to do, but then again, “I didn’t think that one through too well” is said quite a bit.  Practice makes perfect.  Right?

My life is mostly dominated by women.  My father passed away when I was 7 from a heart attack at age 34.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  My arsenal of step-father’s have passed away (or have gone missing) and I have only 1 living grandparent and sadly, that’s Craizin.   Now don’t get me wrong, I love the old bitch, but do I like her?  I am not sure yet.  The verdict hasn’t come back yet on that one.  She seriously has very few and rare sweet moments.

I will be changing names to protect the guilty and of course the innocent (if any).  I will also let you know if my blog is true or just something fictional I wanted to write about.  For the most part what I write about is non-fiction.  Some of this shit you really just can’t make up!  (Especially when I start sharing stories about Craizin, who I swear has piss and vinegar running through her veins, but as my Thither always says “some grandmas knit and play bingo, ours…”